Gary, Emma, and Fred are three goldfish living in little Joey’s fish tank, waiting to be fed.
EMMA: What’s Joey doing now?
GARY: He’s on his iPad again. See?
EMMA: Of course.
GARY: Wait! He’s picking up the jar.
EMMA: Look! He’s opening it! I think he remembers.
GARY: Hey! OVER HERE!
EMMA: This way! Come This Way!
GARY: Bring it over HERE! Hey!
EMMA: Look THIS way, kid!
GARY: Emma, quick! Do that thing you do with your mouth up against the glass and the big eye stare.
EMMA: I think it’s working. He’s looking at us.
GARY: He’s pouring some of the flakes into his hand. Yes!
EMMA: He’s…… sprinkling it over his crayons.
Emma and Gary float down to the bottom of the tank and lay there side-by-side. Fred swims up.
GARY: Oh great. Here comes Fred.
EMMA: Just stuff my gills full of seaweed now.
FRED: Hey guys! What’s happening?
EMMA: Hi Fred.
GARY: Hey Fred.
FRED: Guess what! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!
GARY: What.
FRED: I’ve lost another ounce and a half. Do I look thinner to you?
EMMA: You look great Fred.
GARY: Ready for your close-up.
FRED: Thanks guys! Ooo! Ooo! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!
EMMA: What.
FRED: You have to guess.
GARY: You dreamed you were a squirrel fish again.
FRED: No, silly. I’ve figured out a way you can think you’re eating without really eating. Watch. You put a pebble in your mouth… And spit it out. Then you swim into the filter bubbles like this and imagine they’re massaging you! Woo-hoo-wee! Hoo-hoo-hee-ha!
Fred plays in the filter bubbles, having a grand time.
GARY: Emma?
EMMA: Yeah?
GARY: Let’s eat Fred.
EMMA: I don’t know, Gary.
GARY: Come on! It’ll be easy. My cousin Tony I was telling you about…
EMMA: The one up in Boston.
GARY: Yeah, in that two-story tank with all the Siamese fighting fish. Anyway, he says you gotta go for the eye first.
EMMA: Oh. I see.
GARY: What’s wrong?
EMMA: I hate to admit this, Gary… but… I kinda like Fred.
GARY: Uh-huh.
FRED: Oh what a beautiful morn-ing! Oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a beautiful feel-ing! Everything’s going my way!
EMMA: No, you’re right. Let’s do it.
GARY: Great. Hey look! Joey’s pouring out his Lego.
EMMA: Oh no! He’s throwing them up in the air. You know what that means?
GARY: He’ll be at it for weeks.
EMMA: Now he’ll really forget all about us. I don’t think I can go another day without something in my stomach. Oh good Lord here comes Fred again.
GARY: Just act normal.
FRED: Hey guys! Guess what? Guess what?
EMMA: What.
FRED: I found a way to open that little treasure chest and look inside. You just gotta wedge your head under the lid. I bet Joey put our birthday presents in there!
EMMA: O-M-G. You’re a genius Fred!
GARY: Can you show us? Can you show us how you would do it?
Gary swims close to Emma.
GARY (whispering): Emma, get ready. On the count of 3, when he sticks his head in…
Fred’s head disappears into the chest and Emma and Gary swim up behind him. They are about to pounce on the lid when Fred pops his head back out.
FRED: Oh hey! Didn’t even hear you swim up. Guess you wanted to see what was inside as much as I did.
EMMA: You got us!
GARY: Guilty as charged.
EMMA: Such a smarty pants.
FRED: I knew it. Every day feels like a birthday party, doesn’t it?
EMMA: Uh-huh. Each day a gift, the same gift, that keeps repeating. Over and over and over and over.
GARY: Umm, Emma? Could you come take a look at this seaweed strand? Over here. I think it’s loose.
Emma and Gary swim into the corner.
GARY: I’ve got an idea. We say that Joey told us he’s gonna take us with him to Chuck-E-Cheese today, in the bag, and we have to wait by the filter for him to come get us.
EMMA: That’s perfect! Fred loves Chuck-E-Cheese.
GARY: Then, when he’s not looking, or doing his circles, we shove him in.
EMMA: Into the filter?
GARY: Sssssssswwoooooooooo-wop! It’ll suck him right in.
EMMA: I don’t know, Gary. That seems like a horrible thing to do.
Fred’s closer than they thought and has overheard.
FRED: Why would you want me to get stuck in the filter? Are you training to be emergency fish rescuers or somethin’? Oh….. I see…. You want to get rid of me. Why would you want to get rid of me?
EMMA: It’s just that…. you’re too happy, Fred.
GARY: If you haven’t noticed, we’re starving.
EMMA: Tell us. How is it you can stay SO cheerful on an empty stomach?
GARY: Yeah, what’s your secret?
FRED: I don’t know if I should say…
GARY: Come on, you can tell us. We’re pals, aren’t we?
FRED: Okay, I guess. But promise you won’t look at me any different?
EMMA: Fin-swear we won’t.
GARY: Friends accept each other for who they are. No matter what.
FRED: And you won’t try to push me into the filter.
GARY: You have our word.
FRED: Okay…. I’m not hungry because I’ve been eating my own poop.
EMMA: Ohhhhhh.
GARY: Wow.
EMMA: Does it help?
FRED: Yeah. I feel great. I wake up in the morning with more energy. I can swim in circles for hours. And I just feel happy. For no reason. I’m just happy to be alive.
Emma and Gary look at each other.
FRED: Ohhhhh I SEE you guys. You’re THINKIN’ about it, aren’t you?
EMMA: What do you say, Gary? Should we try it?
GARY: Well if it makes Fred that happy and if it could make the empty pit in my stomach go away and make me forget that we’re prisoners for life in Joey’s room, I think it’s worth a shot.
EMMA: Great, you go first.
GARY: Why do I have to go first?
EMMA: Because you’re the bravest of us. And if there’s a problem, like a serious issue, you’ll have sacrificed yourself for our well-being. You’ll be a hero. Don’t you want to be a hero, Gary?
GARY: I guess that would be pretty cool, worst comes to worst. And I am really hungry.
FRED: Hey guys! Guess what? I don’t eat my own poop. I can’t believe you fell for that! I just do the pebble trick and hum Taylor Swift songs in my head.
EMMA: Fred?
FRED: Yeah?
EMMA: I love you.
FRED: Really?
EMMA: Yeah.
FRED: Wow. No one’s ever said that to me before.
GARY: No, Emma’s right, you’re like the only light in here that’s real. Huh, look at that. Joey’s left that little hatch open in the top.
FRED: Emma, guess what?
EMMA: What Fred?
FRED: I love you too. I always have, but I’ve been too afraid to tell you.
Gary swims up close to the surface by the open hatch in the tank lid.
EMMA: Gary, what are you doing?
FRED: Oh my God. He just jumped over the side—out of the WATER! Gary, you can do it! Get to the jar! Get to the jar!
EMMA: Flop a little to your left. You’re SO close!
FRED: No no, that’s the wrong way! You’re going backward!
EMMA: Uh oh, his fin’s caught under a Lego brick.
FRED: Wait, he got it out! But now I think he’s trying to eat the brick. Gary, no! You can’t eat that! It’s not good for you!
EMMA: Oh Fred… look….he’s not moving anymore.
FRED: Ohhh Gary. Jeez. You know, he did it for us, Emma. That might be the bravest thing I’ve ever seen. Well Emma. It’s just you and me now.
EMMA: Yeah. Guess it is.
FRED: Wanna play in the filter bubbles?
EMMA: Okay. What makes it the most ticklish?
FRED: When we get up there, you gotta turn over on your back and let the bubbles hit your belly.
EMMA: Great. How ‘bout you go first and show me?
Fred swims up by the filter intake and starts frolicking. Emma follows, but slowly and deliberately, smiling mischievously from gill to gill.